Support the War in My Rack!

This is a little video I put together for our Komen Dallas Race for the Cure team.  The picture you see before you hit the arrow is me with my friend Glenna, when she was finishing up treatment.  We stood on the stage of the Komen Dallas race and looked out into the sea of survivors.  It was an emotional moment.  I shared Dr. Grant with Glenna.  (I wonder how many boobies he feels in a year anyway?).  This year she mentored me and shared her plastic surgeon with me. (She used the other guy in the same office).  Glenna is now my partner in crime in our war on cancer.  This is a war we can ALL BELIEVE IN!!  Come join our team on October 15 at North Park Center.  We are going to have a good time.

http://dallas.info-komen.org/goto/MYRACK

Silver linings: Learning that indeed, the whole world is connected!  Having a friend who has "been there done that" to share with is precious.  To all my survivor sisters out there who have shared their experiences and cancer boyfriend doctors with me - THANK YOU.

PS. Having my best post M week!

Pimping my C (again!)

If you live in Dallas, you recognize this amazing lady at a glance...no, not me. I'm just almost famous but anchor Clarice Tinsley (or CT as the Fox folks call her)  is a Dallas institution.  She is a fierce Komen supporter and has worked tirelessly with us to get the messages out about Breast Cancer (and she is a genuinely nice, warm, human being - you just love her when you meet her).  Fox 4 is a long-time Komen Dallas partner, broadcasting our race live each year.  Working with her, and the Fox 4 staff, is always pure joy.  We spent a couple of hours together today talking about my C stories and my volunteer passion: Komen Dallas.  For this, I get to be a hometown hero.  I can't say that I feel like a hero...just an ordinary person trying to make her cancer count.  I know that I share to a fault, but I often feel if I can help just one person our there all that TMI will have come to some good use.

Today's opportunities included the age old female dilemma: finding something to wear.  Most of my clothing was purchased with the larger breasted woman in mind, so finding something that fit up top was a challenge.  After trying about 6 different tops on, I found a pink one to work - ironically one I bought after C1 and held on to!! CRISIS AVERTED.  Thank God I was having a good hair day and again was reminded that a bad hair day beats a no hair day any day.

I am really starting to feel like myself again. I have slept in my own bed for about a week!  I have more range of motion - physical therapists are amazing people.  I will see my doctor next week and hopefully he will tell me that my wounds are healed enough to start working out.  Then my endorphins will come back to me....I have missed you. This grouchy girl needs a smile on her face.

The hometown hero story will be broadcast next week and I will find the clip and share (of course!).

After C1, my aunt made me an amazing quilt out of my old 'do rags and race t-shirts along with some pictures about my journey to OZ.  Clarice loved the story that this quilt told (and I cried and was touched when my aunt gave it to me) and it will be prominently displayed in our TV piece, as well as the promo for the piece.  I'm going to save that visual to share when the story comes out.

We shot the story at the Komen Dallas office and was reminded how awesome it is to be surrounded by such talented pink warriors.  Thanks for the BLING C-Pain....over and out....I AM T.SWAIN

No More Bad Hair Days, Finding a Silver Lining in a battle with Cancer

My sister Lauri wrote a column for the Hilton Head Monthly when she was battling breast cancer for the second time. I've been really missing her...she has been my inspiration to fight and was the inspiration for the name of my blog. These are her words with a little paraphrasing and commentary from me in ( ):

Your life is moving along, you have your usual bumps and curves in the road. Then one day you hit a pot hole (you can see we grew up in PA). You are forced to take a different route - the scenery has totally changed. You have been given a diagnosis of cancer.

The next thing you know you are spending a day going over tests and X-Rays, woking on finding a treatment plan and a way to save your life. Your doctors are now your tour guides. In the coming weeks and months, these doctors will become your closest friends on your new journey. The staff and nurses put up with all my friends who come along to make sure I don't make a run for it when no one is looking.

Every three weeks I spend my day with a diverse group of people.We all come from different places, we are young and old. But we have one thing in common - sharing the same disease. We are able to open up and talk about our hopes and fears. We help each other get through that one day that we always dread, but which we also know is a day of hope - that today's treatment will cure our cancer.

We come with our scarves, ball hats, wigs and sometimes just bald. Like in everyday life, we have the cancer "fashionable," the cancer "comfy," and the cancer "can't figure out what my look is" dressers. (Lauri looked great sporting the bald head!)

Some of us are traumatized by our hair loss - mostly because it lets you know that we are fighting a disease that could take our lives. When you see us, remember that we were once just like you and our lives changed one day in an instant.

However, instead of being sad for us, think about how easy, as women, our lives have become. No more shaving - hey, big time saver in the morning, and arm pits - hello. No bikini lines to worry about. (I can still picture her saying this).

How about the money we are saving on hair cuts, color and highlights? And waxing? No more worries about eyebrows, bikini lines, and let's not forget the famous Brazilian wax. Not for me - my hair fell off effortlessly. And what about the legs? When you're 5'10" (yes, you read that right, I am the oldest but the runt of the family), my gosh, I would spend an extra 20 minutes shaving every day. Need I say more?

I think I can speak for my fellow cancer friends when I say thanks for the love, the dinners, the phone calls and the visits at just the right moment when we are feeling down. You all know you are and we couldn't go through this without you. (AMEN!).

My best friend, from down under, always reminds me of the three things we need in life: something to love, something to hope for and something to look forward to. (Ah, Nick...such a great, great friend to my sister - he traveled many times from Australia to Hilton Head to visit her and she was able to make her long awaited trip to see him there. High school buddies from when we lived in Taiwan. How much joy his friendship brought her).

Please remember, the next time you see one of "us" - that a little wink or whistle is just what we need. And don't be envious because we no longer have bad hair days.

(I MISS YOU LAURI...)

Small Victories

Hello handbag! Today was the first day that I could carry my purse on my shoulder without it hurting. This is a small victory and I am taking back everything I've ever said about men and their cargo pants. I am taking back everything I've ever said about men who leave all their change in the cup holder in the car. Life without a purse makes it hard to be organized and all those pockets and cup holders become functional if you don't carry a murse or a purse. I was happy to transfer all my drink splattered crusty coins into my actual wallet.

My handbag and I went on a field trip to see our boyfriend Dr. Grant at Baylor Dallas. I learned that I will never again need a mammogram, a sonogram or an MRI of my breasts. Oh that's right, because I don't have any. Instead, I will come in for regular quickie feel-ups from Dr. Grant. I guess he will be my boyfriend for life. There is only a small, small chance of any kind of cancer returning in the chest area - if it did, it would be in the tissue and that they can only detect by the feel up method.

Dr. Grant reports that everything is healing nicely - the radiated skin tissue from C1 is behaving very nicely. I have pretty much full range of motion with both of my shoulders. Physical Therapy has worked wonders. Today I felt really physically GREAT for the first time since my surgery. But still, not cleared to work out - no jumping, no bouncing, no messing with the still open wound. No swimming, no walking outside but I can go walk in the mall or someplace air conditioned. No to the treadmill in the gym. He was a little too Dr. No No for me today but I am complying and I am not complaining.

If you are thinking of not working out because you're not motivated, please go do a workout for me. Trust me, if you couldn't do it, you would want it.

Today's silver linings:

Carrying a purse the old fashioned way!

No more mammograms!! But this does NOT, and I repeat DOES NOT, excuse you from getting yours.

C- Rant

Six weeks post surgery now and I had expected to feel better than this. No, I'm not in pain. Yep, I am working and doing most of my usual things. But do you know how heavy doors are? Or when you are in crowds, how many people get in your personal space? Or how many people as a matter of course pat you on the back? And it's amazing the number of things that require use of your chest muscles. Opening jars. Taking off your shirts. Shaving your legs. Giving and receiving hugs.

It totally sucks not being able to work out. Or to hold my granddaughter...or carry her...or just crush her up against me and squeeze her tight. Not being able to sleep in my own bed, or sleep on my side (my preferred method of sleeping). Springing leaks where fluid build up is trying to get out...my God I feel like I am nursing again.

Hard right or left turns are tough, turning the whole way around to look at traffic is almost impossible and closing the car door is still difficult. Don't drive anywhere near me! I'm not totally safe.

I could go shopping. I have the money and the time. But not sure what this body is really going to shake out like. I have a brand spanking new pool - it is very, very, very nice, in 100 degree killer heat in Texas and I can only enjoy it waist deep. There comes a time in every C Journey where you are just so dang tired of it all. You want your regular life back, but your life is never regular again.

OK OK I know, this is the silver linings blog and mine went all rusty. I am thankful for Physical Therapists and having insurance that pays for it all. Hopefully it will get me back to the silver lining.

Thanks for letting me get this off my aching chest. I feel better already. Now who hid my chocolate?

Hey YOU, I'm talking to YOU!

Komen team kick off was this week and it was amazing. Our honorary race chair this year is Leslie Ezelle, former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, and design star contestant and passionate breast cancer survivor. Talk about energy! She's got it and she's a genuinely nice, caring, concerned person. Watch her on Design Star, HGTV (which I've been watching too much of in my recovery mode...but it's like crack for the immobile).

I heard an alarming statistic at this rally - 50% of women who have health insurance and access to health care and who are over 40 DO NOT GET THEIR ANNUAL MAMMOGRAMS. And then I got to thinking about some of you near and dear to me (you KNOW who you are) who don't get your regular mammogram and this is alarming. (Here's where I get to pour on the Catholic guilt thing I learned from my upbringing).

I was diagnosed at 41 and then again at 50. I started having mammograms at the age of 35 because of my family history and a wonderful doctor (thanks Dr. Mendez) who was vigilant about screening. Both times, the lumps were too small to be detected by feel alone. Both times caught early and treatable and here I am to tell you about it.

You may think you don't need to be screened because you don't have a family history of breast cancer. NOT TRUE! The biggest risk factors for getting breast cancer are being female and getting older. Yes, if you have family history BE MORE VIGILANT - but everyone get screened regularly! Of course, this isn't just mammograms...get your colonoscopy when you turn 50, do blood work regularly, have your stress test (watch Dr. Oz and you'll learn all the tests you should be doing). Being proactive about your health is key to surviving and thriving in this life.

A lot of my volunteer time is spent assisting women who want and need education and screening but can't get it because of resources. Their breast cancers are typically found at stages III and IV when they are harder to treat. So for those of you that have access to these, please, please, please,utilize them. THEY ARE YOUR SILVER LINING. Grab some friends and make a day out of it.

OK, off my soap box and back to C2...ME. I feel like there are a couple of people in my chest having a boxing match. It's not painful but is super uncomfortable. I'm regularly working and driving and getting around, but I still can't lift more than 4 pounds, can't work out and I'm watching a lot of HGTV. We've had the hottest July on record, no rain and August is following suit...a cool day is a 100 degree day. Whaaaaaaaaa...

My silver linings - meeting amazing new warriors and having the ability to be an advocate and mentor for the women around me.

Pictured here are two of Lauri's daughters, Shaz and Madeline with me at last year's race for the cure, a family tradition. This week Madeline and Lauri's other daughter Sara were visiting me. These three young women are amazing human beings and I know their Mom is smiling down from heaven on the extraordinary strong, independent women they are becoming.

Now get off the computer and get on the phone...schedule your mammo. It's your best ammo.

Here we go again

This is my beautiful buy-one-get-one-free daughter with her baby Lee. Her dad and I didn't stay together but she and I cannot be separated...it seems we are joined at the breast. She is 31 years old and last week she discovered a small lump. Even though she's not related to me biologically, she too has a family history of breast cancer in her family. Luckily, she was informed enough to go directly to the doctor to get it checked. He confirmed that it was a suspicious tiny lump and suggested watching it.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

NEVER! She lives in Houston and is fortunate that her mom works at MD Anderson - the famous cancer center. She has an appointment today to have it completely checked out and C ruled out. I'm proud of her for taking charge of her health - she is Major Tom and everyone else is Ground Control.

Prayers that all is clear!

Silver Lining: Talking, talking, talking about breast health and breast cancer makes a difference not only to our peers, but to the generations below. They are watching us.

Fill 'er up...

Today was my last fill at the plastic surgeon. My left shoulder isn't moving the way it should, so I have to have some Physical Therapy to get it moving properly. I'm off all of my narcotic pain medication and just feel really tight across the chest area. Still not cleared for exercise or swimming but healing right along. I don't have to see him for another six months unless something is wrong. Feeling stronger every day.

Our granddaughter Lili is visiting us for awhile, and keeping up with her is keeping me on my toes. She totally understands that Grandma has an Owee and can't carry her. I was reluctant to show her my wounds. However her curiosity combined with an unwillingness to be apart from me for very long solved that. A little scrunched face when she saw the wounds, but then she was over it. Me too.

My Komen Dallas Race for the Cure team, Support the War in My Rack, is having an art for the cure event in early October. I must admit to being an artist wannabe. So what to do with all these amazing get well cards and wishes? I got this great idea that I could develop a collage piece with bits and pieces from the cards, so I started to go through the stacks (THANK YOU EVERYONE! I'm a card junkie!!) to start formulating my idea (all ideas welcome - I usually am good on ideas but poor on execution). Anyway, I ran across this card my angel sister Lauri sent me before she passed away. It stopped me in my tracks and I'm sure was a sign she was saying hello. It made me cry as I read her words:

"Ter..I hope you know how much I appreciate all the love and support and OK...love the play money too - what would we all do w/out each other? I know I was having some rough times after "retiring" - you were always there to bitch w/me and let me cry - now with the big "C" thing you have been a rock for me - I love you and wish you were closer. I love you. Lauri

So for today, count the silver linings in your life that are the people close to you. Make their life a little easier. Let them bitch and cry, then help pull them up. Be their rock.