The Price of Pre-Admission

Yesterday was my pre-admission to Baylor Spa (as my friend Dave so named it). This is reviewing all paperwork, insurance information and making sure you are medically able to withstand surgery. I had to give a little blood and have an EKG. All systems are go! I also had to fill out MORE PAPERWORK. NO. I AM NOT PREGNANT for the 15th time. And the funny question: Are you going through any major life issues right now? HELL-O. I'm pre-admitting for surgery to remove my breasts. I'd say that is pretty major life!!

I felt really good after this appointment. The nurse who checked me in is an 18 year breast cancer survivor. She sees my plastic surgeon (on the side, of course, right now he's mine!). Apparently, he is the greatest and I always put a lot of credence with the nurses because, well...'nuf said. She was also reassuring that I would be fine since I'm young (!) and healthy. I love Baylor Dallas, not because of the forms, but because they really have caring people working there who will tell you you are young. Oh, and they're smart too!!

OK - here's the surgery details (drum roll please):

My surgery takes place July 6 at Baylor Dallas at 9 am (or as we affectionately call it in Dallas - BIG BAYLOR. They have many satellite facilities). I will be in the Roberts Building. Pete and I have to be there at 7:30 am. I will be in surgery for 6-7 hours depending upon how much fun they are having. I will stay in the hospital 1-2 days and will not know about additional treatment needed until after they review my tissue and sentinel node biopsy (to know if the cancer has spread through the nodes). KEEP CHANTING: NO NODES NO NODES NO NODES.

Pete is taking a couple of weeks of Family and Medical Leave (thank you Apple) to take care of me (thank you Pete!).

So many of you have asked, what do we need? Should you come to the hospital? Cook for us? Send flowers?

The short answer is we're blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives - the outpouring of support has been amazing. But I still bring it back to those who don't have this kind of support. So I'll tell you where my head is and then if I change my mind (because we women are awesome like that) I will let you know.

Visits: I'd probably prefer you didn't visit me in the hospital. I will be at my worst during the first two days. Pete said he is perfectly fine sitting in the waiting room catching up on Words with Friends, Angry Birds and the stack of books he has neglected as a result of aforementioned habits. If you want to check in with Pete for any updates - his email is hangdog@earthlink.net; you can text or call him at 9723457229. I'm not sure he can answer phone calls. He reports that he doesn't need company while waiting.

Once, I'm recovered enough to feel human, I believe that I will want some company to go take a walk with me or talk to me. Stand by. I will continue to blog even if it's a fuzzy call for "COME SEE ME." Pete may make a guest blog appearance.

Flowers: I won't be at the hospital long, so sending flowers there will only mean Pete has to transport grouchy old me home and the flowers. Once we get home, not being able to take care of them and getting aggravated at Pete for not taking care of them and him getting aggravated at me because honestly taking care of me is enough = save your money!

Food: Honestly, it's just Pete and I. One of Pete's best qualities is that he is an amazing cook. He knows my eating habits. So I'm saying - please don't but if you feel compelled to make something, coordinate with Pete. I don't want you to make anything we wouldn't eat or use. I know cooking is an act of love.

So what can you do for me right now?

Most of you know that my passion lies with Komen Dallas because of all the help we give women and families in our community affected by breast cancer. Women who don't have a choice about procedures or doctors or have to take the bus to get to their mastectomy appointment.

SUPPORT THE WAR IN MY RACK! Join my team and walk, run, crawl, sleep in for the cure - October 15, 2011...I will be there regardless of what I'm going through. These are my people!

Sign up: http://dallas.info-komen.org/goto/MyRack

Donate: http://dallas.info-komen.org/goto/TSwain

Silver linings and the Price of Pre-Admission:

BLING!!! During C1 and the bald headed chemo look, a friend suggested that I get diamond earrings to shine brightly around my bald head. I did and to this day I love them and what they stood for.

In remembrance of C2 and turning 50 and not buying the BMW, I did a little swing over to North Park Center (home of the Komen Dallas Race for the Cure) and got a little blue box from Tiffany's... a beautiful yellow diamond from Australia. It will arrive when I arrive home from the hospital. Ok, so that's a yellow lining.

One more week as a regular person

When you think your life is really boring - be thankful. When you get annoyed with someone - be patient - they may be going through some stuff. When you're fighting something, there is always someone better off than you, and has it worse than you. All cliches BUT TRUE.

It's been kind of odd living in this my-whole-life-has-been-turned-upside-down-but-I-still-look normal-phase. When we're going through tough times without any outward appearance of it, it's not quite the same as when we are going through something and the whole world knows it. I'm not sure which one I like best.

Get stopped by the cop and you have chemo head - a glance and you're getting a pass on your ticket. Get stopped by a cop and you've just been diagnosed with cancer - you have to use your words to get out of the ticket IF he'll even believe you.

But the truth is...everyone is going through stuff: death, divorce, job loss, drugs, kid trouble, finances...and the list goes on. My sister and I used to like to joke that Cancer trumps many of these other "lesser troubles," but in fact it doesn't.

For today, approach everyone you meet like they have just received life changing news. And enjoy your normal life - if you don't have any "stuff" in it, try making a difference to someone who does. I'm going to enjoy my next normal week with some pit stops to help my Komen family bring more awareness to breast cancer.

"Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day." ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Silver linings:

Enjoying days without doctors appointments, medical jargon, cancer books and no outward signs of being a C warrior.

The Big C is back on Showtime tonight - watch it - it's an amazing show and a look at what someone faces staring C in the face.

Who says you can't go home?

It was great escaping the Texas heat to the cooler temps of my hometown, Mechanicsburg, PA last week. The little town I grew up in has an annual Jubilee Day celebration. It's basically a street fair that was a really big deal when you were a kid...especially those pre-teen days when you hoped that a special boy would ask you to go and he would buy you the leather bracelet with your name burned into it. Well, no leather bracelets anymore and I could buy many of them now if I wanted! How times change...and yet, how they stay the same.

Catching up with old friends is grounding. They know where you've been, what you struggled with and were responsible for helping to create "you." It also reminds you how we are all connected. While there, we participated in the Relay for Life. I was honored and touched to have my very own Luminaria on the track that we spotted about 5 laps in (pictured). My Class of 79 buddies you are the greatest. Thanks for the past memories and for the recent ones.

In my life, I've loved you all....

POOF: Now back to reality. I returned to sweltering 110 degree heat and winds that were causing a wildfire hazard. Kind of feels like my life right about now....tossing and turning in the dryer. I have my pre-admission appointment next week and then July 6 is Surgery Date. I won't lie, I am not looking forward to it and yes, I am scared, worried, etc. Waiting is typically worse than the actual event but I am so thankful to have had this time to process, hang out with Liliana and my family and my friends. Getting my game face on!

Silver linings:

Thankful that my mom and dad picked a great place to raise me...then were adventurous enough to go out in the world and give me my traveling sense of adventure.

Old friends - thanks for joining me and our group date to Jubilee Day/ETC. Half a century. WOO HOO We made it!!!

Super cool mastectomy wear

I received this gift from my Aunt ...a fellow survivor. It's cool max material, velcro for easy open/easy close and a hidden pocket for the drains. It was designed by a survivor out of Austin, TX. I love their slogan $45 - Same price as flowers. I am thrilled to have this because I've heard from so many people about the pesky drains and it being hard to get in and out of clothes, so I thought I would share this gem with anyone facing mastectomy or who knows someone who is going under the knife. The website is www.healincomfort.com

Two weeks or so until surgery date. I have a pre-op appointment next week, so just enjoying the Pre C honeymoon.

Silver lining:

New and interesting clothing options!

Cancer is a marathon not a sprint...

One of the greatest "gifts" of cancer is meeting amazing people who share a similar experience, obviously put on your path for a reason. Sometimes I feel we're like our own runaway cells looking for a safe home. During C1, I met amazing "strangers" turned great friends because we were able to share our experience. C2 is proving the same...new amazing people are popping up in my life and I know we'll be friends for life.

One such new friend has served as a good reminder: Don't forget about us!! We're running an ultra-marathon without any instant energy; our water supply is low and we need you. When someone is first diagnosed, there is an outpouring of love, encouragement, bath and body (ok we covered that in an earlier post), cards, letters, etc. Everyone is there, almost to a fault. As C wears on and we wear out, the crowd thins. You are probably thinking we are tired, we are sick, we need our space. YOU ARE RIGHT. But we also need to know you are still there, cheering us on even if the sag wagon has to drag our butt in. Even just a short email to say: I'm thinking of you. Anything you need? (and mean it...because we might ask you to come to Chemo Show and Tell with us). And we, C patients, need to learn to ask for help, visits, cards, email,etc.

Here's the caring bridge site for Clare Davis - John is a fellow teammate on my 3 day walk this year (hoping I will be able to do it in November). He's been writing this blog from the perspective of a husband. Stop on over and give Clare some encouragement...she's at mile 13.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/claredavis

As for me, I'm just hanging out in the back of the starting line with the slow pokes, enjoying the scenery. My marathon starts July 6 with surgery that will take longer than it took for me to complete the Nike Women's Marathon (pictured here with my bestie). I walked this marathon to celebrate 3 years cancer free.

Silver linings:

Make new friends, but keep the old ones...one is silver and the other gold.

New friend, husband of Clare, developed a spreadsheet for tracking drainage that he shared with me!! I know Pete will be all over this. More about drainage later.

Yes!

Pimp My C (or why I share)

Anyone who's ever been down the bumpy road called cancer knows that the experience can be isolating. So much chatter in your head - real and imagined - that no one really understands. Unless you've been down C Road yourself.

One of the greatest gifts of "Cancer I" was family and friends and total strangers, friends of friends, who reached out to me. Who shared. Who helped quiet the voices in my head. Who allowed me to express my fears and said "I know...but next year this will be a memory. I promise." You all know who you are and believe me when I tell you it was all these small gestures - advice emails, dr. referrals, experience sharing and connecting me to other people that helped me feel less isolated from the Non-C world. Thank you.

So now is the time for my cosmic payback. In Cancer II, I've agreed to share my story in a very public way. To make it count. To let others walking down the pink brick road know they are not alone -that the lions, and tigers and bears are REAL but that there is no place like hope. That the great and powerful "OZ-cologist" will help get you back to Kansas or Texas or your children - wherever home is for you. But most of all, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are an army of people out there who are surviving and thriving and fighting for a world without breast cancer.

Pictured here are my co-surviving sons and niece who were part of a Komen Dallas photo shoot. We are all inspired to fight this together. Baring my soul and (eeeek) my breasts (oh yes I did while I still have them; good thing the boys were late to the shoot) to the world...PEACE OUT...Terri

Silver linings:

New pink friends for life!

A professional photo shoot - please photo shop air brush that A cup tummy