The End....

Monday morning 6 am was the C2 grand finale: exchange surgery. Dr. McSmarty removed the heavy expanders and replaced them with the "gummy bear" implants; nipples were formed (I'm still trying to figure that out - WEIRD and NO TO pictures!);  no shopping at Home Depot (aka tummy fat) was necessary.  The surgery was uneventful and the recovery has been fairly easy.  My new Little C girls are in place.  My left side has some edema due to the frying it got during the radiation phase of C1.  Exercises have been ordered to assist but I don't think it will ever be the same.

Nothing ever will.

You can remove parts, slash, burn and rebuild; you can put on your perky and your best positive attitude...but it's a very odd feeling when "it's done."  The middle place where you move from cancer patient to cancer survivor.  Are you in remission? Cured?  One part of you knows it's a great big cause for celebration but another part of you knows it's the beginning of something else.

The silver lining in C2 is understanding this. Looking at it head on.  Excising the demons the best you can. But most of all acknowledging the new normal, living with it, allowing yourself to grieve your lost health and the parts you will never get back.  Then course correcting your own life.

There will still be plenty of dates with doctors - we'll see each other every few months until we (hopefully) tire of each other and move to less frequent visits.  In between those visits, I know that I will be re-evaluating my own life and what I choose to do with my time, talents and treasures.  Because life IS about not knowing but taking the moment and making the best of it.

I am happy to say FAREWELL to 2011. It wasn't a good year, but there were several silver linings along the way.  To those of you still "in fight" or grieving losses, I wish you some downtime to figure out how to make each moment count. To those on the road with me this year, Thank You. Let's dance with life and here's to a better 2012!!