What a difference a year makes

(photo courtesy of James Edward/Dallas amazing person and photographer)

One year ago today, I was getting ready to go under the surgical knife - 8 hours of surgery to remove the itty bitty cancer in my not so itty bitty breasts...unsure what life was going to be like without them... if the cancer had spread and if chemotherapy required...again. It was a time of introspection and yes, fear.  Like so many bad memories, this one seems long ago and faraway.  No nodes (I'm still thankful for all that great cosmic chanting)...and no terrible side effects.

Movement on my left side is still not good; my scars are still prominent but I'm feeling stronger every day.  Pictured here is my crazy self at the Stiletto Stampede (an event benefitting Komen Dallas) running a 100 yard dash in high heels and high heat index...and let me tell you, I did not finish last. THIS IS MY RUNNING EVENT.  I think I finished about 10th out of 200 and next year, I hope to win. Or have fun trying. Or just pretend I won because you can have cancer and get away with stuff in your head.

Back at the gym and swimming and my Pilates practice (thank you Laura for your patience working me back to flexibility!).  Much of my former clothing bought to flatter the busty girl, have been replaced by smaller, different kinds of styles. I am happy to be able to rock the non V-neck fashions. For those of you who have coveted the big breasts - they are not all they are built up to be. I'm loving the itty bitty club.  Really.

I'm constantly reminded how short life is; but how full of adventure it can be. Please don't wait "until..." to do something you've wanted to do; please don't forget to tell people you love them often; please don't carry anger with you - move through and past things that in the final analysis don't really matter.

My sister would have turned 49 on Monday July 9th....taken away at age 43 to breast cancer. That's why I'll keep running, walking, standing on my hands, yelling from the rooftops - ENOUGH BREAST CANCER.

Come take a victory lap with me...

http://dallas.info-komen.org/goto/war

Pro Choice

Circa 1979, My BFF and Me!

When I was in high school my four favorite things were, in this order:  boys (usually the wrong ones), journalism (I was going to be the next Woodward), softball (I played a mean third base) and speech team (Talk, Talk, Talk).  Yes, speech.

I tried the ex-temporaneous category but I was terrible at it.  You got your topic (The price of gold as it relates to S. Africa? WHAT?) and you had 30 minutes to research  (pre-google) and then present your topic.  We brought this great big rolodex of facts and newspaper articles and it didn't help.  I was a terrible competitor.  I couldn't be informed or form an opinion in 30 minutes or less.  Then I tried debate, but I found that I was never passionate about a topic enough to debate it.  I always found myself with the ability to see the other side.  Which was probably the Woodward in me.  Then I found my speech GOLD - Informative Speaking.  I could pick a topic that interested me, find a cool way to present it, research the hell out of it and inform you better than anyone.  And bonus....you had enough time (way more than 60 seconds) to deliver.  I got all kinds of plastic trophies for this category.

Speech team gave me the gift of public speaking, a life long passion of mine. I know. I know. I don't even get nervous.  I love it...especially on topics I am passionate and informed about.

I also loved my High School newspaper days.  My "Torch" days included amazing experiences (taking on freedom of the press and the principal) and a few shenanigans  (Sue Miller!)  but also where I learned about truth, integrity, balance and the responsibility of the press.  As a college journalism major (it's a long story about my descent into human resources), I continued to learn those valuable lessons: truth, integrity, balance and responsibility - I like to think I incorporated them into both my personal and professional life.

So I'm dismayed at the current state of "journalism"...how unbalanced we are... how irresponsible we can be... how we identify ourselves by our media (and I suppose I'm one of those Granola NPR girls) and how willing we are to grab a piece of spin and make it ours without being informed.  Not to mention how mean spirited we can be with our views and our opinions - so many times missing the big picture. So often injuring with words.

The silver lining of my two breast cancer diagnoses has been the great gift of balance.  I just didn't listen to what the doctor said. I read, and read, and read and questioned; I talked to doctors and women and organizations.  I took it all in and made informed choices.  And I looked around me...and I saw the inequity in the world of health care - where your geography and your health care plan determined the care that you received.  And on some levels I was ashamed (and on many others relieved and thankful)...that I had my pick of surgeons, had my pick of three cars to drive to appointments, could fly to another city if I wanted...when there were women who weren't receiving even the basics.

So I took action. I was informed. I did all my research on breast cancer organizations and I picked one that I felt was the best stewards of donor money. The one who made tangible impact - not just on the cures but on women in my community.  But I didn't  just write a check.  I picked one that I could throw my body, heart and soul into.  I have led, volunteered, fundraised, spoken, worked health fairs ..... along with the over 1100 volunteers and a shoe string staff that begs and borrows for as much as possible. Who understand that $150 saved funds a mammogram.

These are my Komen sisters and brothers who I stand tall with.  We simply make a difference in this world.

If you disagree with me, the journalist in me sees your point of view.  But the breast cancer survivor in me knows this is where I belong.  And you don't have to - because we all have choices.

But...

Please make informed choices.

Please be kind with your opinions.

To those in my Komen circle, I am sad for the hurt inflicted on so many of you this week.  The work our organization has done for the past 30+ years has been nothing less than amazing.  Saving lives has always been our choice and I am proud to be one of us. 

What we don't say

One of the silver linings of having a life threatening disease is realizing VERY QUICKLY hmmm...my days ARE limited - I will make them count. But the best silver linings is that "your people" understand this too.  And they take the time to tell you I love you. You inspire me. I admire your strength. A lot. And they lift you up with You're beautiful. You're smart. You're funny. You have made my life better.  And I am here to tell you that there is nothing better in this world to have your child tell you I'm a better person because you helped me, because you believed in me and stuck with me.  Or you are the strongest person I know. You help me remember the important things.  I don't know what I would have done without you in my life.  Staring down the C hole results in the verbalization of these things.  After all, you might not make it out alive and there is a sense of urgency to let you know these things.

But then again, you might.

All this C-ness was put very quickly in perspective for me with a series of tragic and sudden losses...and the things we say at funerals and memorials and to families...a lot of things we never said when we had the chance.

All of us struggle with insecurities.  All of us want to feel needed, loved, appreciated.  Please don't wait until someone is sick or gone to tell them just how wonderful they are.  Do it today. Do it often.

Just do it.

The End....

Monday morning 6 am was the C2 grand finale: exchange surgery. Dr. McSmarty removed the heavy expanders and replaced them with the "gummy bear" implants; nipples were formed (I'm still trying to figure that out - WEIRD and NO TO pictures!);  no shopping at Home Depot (aka tummy fat) was necessary.  The surgery was uneventful and the recovery has been fairly easy.  My new Little C girls are in place.  My left side has some edema due to the frying it got during the radiation phase of C1.  Exercises have been ordered to assist but I don't think it will ever be the same.

Nothing ever will.

You can remove parts, slash, burn and rebuild; you can put on your perky and your best positive attitude...but it's a very odd feeling when "it's done."  The middle place where you move from cancer patient to cancer survivor.  Are you in remission? Cured?  One part of you knows it's a great big cause for celebration but another part of you knows it's the beginning of something else.

The silver lining in C2 is understanding this. Looking at it head on.  Excising the demons the best you can. But most of all acknowledging the new normal, living with it, allowing yourself to grieve your lost health and the parts you will never get back.  Then course correcting your own life.

There will still be plenty of dates with doctors - we'll see each other every few months until we (hopefully) tire of each other and move to less frequent visits.  In between those visits, I know that I will be re-evaluating my own life and what I choose to do with my time, talents and treasures.  Because life IS about not knowing but taking the moment and making the best of it.

I am happy to say FAREWELL to 2011. It wasn't a good year, but there were several silver linings along the way.  To those of you still "in fight" or grieving losses, I wish you some downtime to figure out how to make each moment count. To those on the road with me this year, Thank You. Let's dance with life and here's to a better 2012!!

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Once you've had a cancer diagnosis and you go through SURGERY. And CHEMO. And  RADIATION. And POST CANCER DRUGS...there is a point when you ask yourself:

AM I DONE???

Am I CURED? In REMISSION? A SURVIVOR?

For so long after C1, I never felt done.  I was a ticking time bomb waiting for another lump, or bad blood work. Every headache was a brain tumor.  Fatigue was the cancer creeping back.  I was in a never ending game of baseball....9th inning, 3 balls, 2 strikes - and I was the BATTER UP.

When my head hit the pillow, I imagined how I would face a terminal diagnosis; I made plans for my children; and imagined my funeral service;  kept good records for the executor of my estate. Oh and I had fun too. I bought things I wanted. Visited amazing places.  And you would have never, ever, ever imagined this was my worry. But always, always, cancer was my constant companion.

I guess the bottom line is this:  I worried and it happened. Worry didn't change the outcome. Luckily for me, C2 wasn't the cancer of my worries.

I'm pretty sure with my family history, C3 isn't out of the question. But the way life is, a thousand shoes may drop and the unexpected will rock my world - my left field theory of life.

So I've decided to give up the worry.  And Be Happy. I hope you'll join me.

Calling All Angels...

We just returned from my cousin's beautiful wedding and connecting with my Swain family relatives - a big Irish Catholic, fun and loving crowd (yes, we drink and get crazy!).  My mom loved family gatherings and felt it was always important to attend weddings, christenings, birthdays, graduations...and to celebrate with great joy - to sing, to dance, to laugh so hard you cried.

It was no surprise Angel Mom traveled with us. Day 1 we got into our Chicago B&B late. I turned on the light switch and right above it was this piece of art - it's a silk chinese print in a bamboo frame.  We had this SAME print in our home in Taiwan.  Does anyone in our family still have this? The proprietor acquired this piece at a church bazaar in the late 70s.  My mom probably got this one in the same time period during one of her travels through the orient when we lived there.  Funny, most of the art in the B&B was religious in nature or Greta Garbo - NOT oriental.

We had a great time at the wedding with the generations, including our old soul but youngest cousin. Thanks for being SWAIN GIRLS with us.  A cancer silver lining: always finding the joy in every occasion.  Meeting other fun people who are no longer strangers.  Hey you guys - if you are reading this YOU ARE FUN!!! Thanks for the shared laughter.

However, Mom wasn't done traveling with us.  We ate at a Thai Restaurant the night before we left.  This art work was hanging in the Thai restaurant:

One just like this hung in our home...a treasure from one of my mom's trips to Bangkok.  I now have it at my house!!

It seems like my mom always shows herself through art or music. My sister Lauri through the numbers 111 (I really meant to write this yesterday on 11/1/11 but the day got away from me...again). My Aunt saw 111 in several instances on her travels to the wedding. Lauri must have been traveling with them.  Mom was with us.

I was on Pandora looking for Jane Siberry's version of "Calling All Angels" to listen to while I wrote this post. It's not on their play list, so instead Sinead O'Connor's I'm Here to Mother You played.  It was appropriate.  Listen and enjoy...I think my mom is still here to mother me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV7dRs3KYU0&feature=relmfu

Sick and Tired of PINK?

October is breast cancer awareness month...what? You didn't know that?  It's kind of hard to miss. I recently heard someone talk about feeling sorry for the other cancers that are not pink.  I hear lots of people talking about "pink fatigue" and being "tired" of pink. ME TOO!!  It's not even my color.  I wish pink was just a color again.  Though here I am going SURVIVOR GIRL PINK. IN MY HAIR!

WHY?

Pink isn't just a color - it's a symbol and a visual reminder to talk about the previously unspeakable topics of "cancer" and "breasts" in the same sentence.  Did you know that when Nancy Brinker held her first race for the cure, 29 years ago in Dallas, TX (SHOUT OUT) the Dallas Morning News covered the event but could not write the word breast in print.  29 years ago - that is in most of our lifetimes.  She writes in her book "Promise Me" about asking companies for their support of the cause and being turned down because they didn't want to be associated with cancer.

Where would we be if one woman's promise to a sister didn't send her on a crusade to pink the world so somebody, anybody would take notice of this disease?  Let's face it, women's health hasn't always been at the forefront of medical breakthroughs.

So all this pink...it's a big, bold statement of how far we have come!  Big burly football men are even sporting it, which is causing little boys to start wearing it and most of all, PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT.  It's only when we talk and share that action happens...and we're not there yet but I have to believe we are on the edge of figuring this cancer thing out. And if the advances are made in breast cancer or prostate cancer or ovarian cancer or lung cancer or leukemia...I have to believe it will unlock the mystery and help everyone.

I hope that all this pink makes every woman, man and child going through this experience know they are not alone. ...and that one day, we will figure this thing out and say "remember when people got breast cancer."

Letter to Liliana

Dear Lili: You probably won't remember this day we had together but it's one I won't forget. Only several weeks fresh from a second cancer diagnosis, having you close by to love, to hold, to laugh with was THE BEST MEDICINE EVER (as people in 2011 like to say).   Together with your daddy, your Uncle Richie, Cousin "Scara" and a few close friends, we did a photo shoot in the hot sun to tell the world that fighting cancer is important.  You and I also went to Fox TV and shot a TV commercial...you liked sitting in the news anchor's desk!  I hope you will always feel that important because you are.

As you grow up, you will come to know that on our side of the family, we have the hereditary BRACA gene mutation.  Hopefully this didn't pass on to you but there is a chance that it did.  So what does this mean for you? It doesn't mean a life of fear, but means that you should be healthy: eat your vegetables, exercise, take care of yourself, go to the doctor and make sure you get your regular check ups.  What does it mean for me? Fighting as hard as I can to see that you will grow up in a world that people will say, "Remember when people got breast cancer? Aren't you glad we figured out a way to cure that?"  I think of you every time I do my part to end it forever or help people going through it.

Grandchildren are absolutely the best silver lining of life.  I'm not so sure we'll find a cure in my lifetime, or your dad's lifetime, but I remain optimistic that you will know a world without breast cancer.

With love,
Grandma Terri

Meet Hope

Hope was conceived while recovering. As the piles of beautiful cards starting stacking up in Cancer II, against a mountain of them from Cancer I…I started to daydream about what I could do with all those powerful healing words and beautiful images.  It seemed a shame that they were stuffed in a drawer - well some were displayed, some were in a drawer, some were on my desk, some were on the counter...so many of them. THANK YOU!!!  No two alike - I loved them all. 

My niece Sara, a true artist, found an Etsy store that sold sculpted bodies and this became Hope’s canvas.

Generally, I’m the big picture thinker with the end result in mind, so it came to no surprise that I lassoed my besties ( thanks Kathy, Kristi and Lisa) into art day. I've been known to pay people to finish my projects but not this time!  The C card is still working.   After a little wine, some good music and a lot of laughs…Hope came to life.  To all of those who shared my journey with your funny cards, your inspirational messages, prayers, wisdom, tears and laughter…thank you.   Hope is filled with you.

She's not quite finished yet...still have some work to do to on her face and bling to add.  She will be entered into our Art for the Cure/Silent Auction event on October 1 in Grapevine.  Please come bid on her and if you have something you'd like to donate for the auction, let me know ASAP.  All proceeds benefit putting an end to breast cancer forever and assisting women in our community with education, screening and treatment.

Silver lining: Craft day with my friends - feels like I'm a kid again!  Reading through all the love again... can you find your card or words of encouragement on Hope?  I have to say my favorite image on hope were words from my sister Lauri on a card when Cancer I was finished - it said simply THE END. Love, Lauri. Can you find it?

Support the War in My Rack!

This is a little video I put together for our Komen Dallas Race for the Cure team.  The picture you see before you hit the arrow is me with my friend Glenna, when she was finishing up treatment.  We stood on the stage of the Komen Dallas race and looked out into the sea of survivors.  It was an emotional moment.  I shared Dr. Grant with Glenna.  (I wonder how many boobies he feels in a year anyway?).  This year she mentored me and shared her plastic surgeon with me. (She used the other guy in the same office).  Glenna is now my partner in crime in our war on cancer.  This is a war we can ALL BELIEVE IN!!  Come join our team on October 15 at North Park Center.  We are going to have a good time.

http://dallas.info-komen.org/goto/MYRACK

Silver linings: Learning that indeed, the whole world is connected!  Having a friend who has "been there done that" to share with is precious.  To all my survivor sisters out there who have shared their experiences and cancer boyfriend doctors with me - THANK YOU.

PS. Having my best post M week!

Pimping my C (again!)

If you live in Dallas, you recognize this amazing lady at a glance...no, not me. I'm just almost famous but anchor Clarice Tinsley (or CT as the Fox folks call her)  is a Dallas institution.  She is a fierce Komen supporter and has worked tirelessly with us to get the messages out about Breast Cancer (and she is a genuinely nice, warm, human being - you just love her when you meet her).  Fox 4 is a long-time Komen Dallas partner, broadcasting our race live each year.  Working with her, and the Fox 4 staff, is always pure joy.  We spent a couple of hours together today talking about my C stories and my volunteer passion: Komen Dallas.  For this, I get to be a hometown hero.  I can't say that I feel like a hero...just an ordinary person trying to make her cancer count.  I know that I share to a fault, but I often feel if I can help just one person our there all that TMI will have come to some good use.

Today's opportunities included the age old female dilemma: finding something to wear.  Most of my clothing was purchased with the larger breasted woman in mind, so finding something that fit up top was a challenge.  After trying about 6 different tops on, I found a pink one to work - ironically one I bought after C1 and held on to!! CRISIS AVERTED.  Thank God I was having a good hair day and again was reminded that a bad hair day beats a no hair day any day.

I am really starting to feel like myself again. I have slept in my own bed for about a week!  I have more range of motion - physical therapists are amazing people.  I will see my doctor next week and hopefully he will tell me that my wounds are healed enough to start working out.  Then my endorphins will come back to me....I have missed you. This grouchy girl needs a smile on her face.

The hometown hero story will be broadcast next week and I will find the clip and share (of course!).

After C1, my aunt made me an amazing quilt out of my old 'do rags and race t-shirts along with some pictures about my journey to OZ.  Clarice loved the story that this quilt told (and I cried and was touched when my aunt gave it to me) and it will be prominently displayed in our TV piece, as well as the promo for the piece.  I'm going to save that visual to share when the story comes out.

We shot the story at the Komen Dallas office and was reminded how awesome it is to be surrounded by such talented pink warriors.  Thanks for the BLING C-Pain....over and out....I AM T.SWAIN

No More Bad Hair Days, Finding a Silver Lining in a battle with Cancer

My sister Lauri wrote a column for the Hilton Head Monthly when she was battling breast cancer for the second time. I've been really missing her...she has been my inspiration to fight and was the inspiration for the name of my blog. These are her words with a little paraphrasing and commentary from me in ( ):

Your life is moving along, you have your usual bumps and curves in the road. Then one day you hit a pot hole (you can see we grew up in PA). You are forced to take a different route - the scenery has totally changed. You have been given a diagnosis of cancer.

The next thing you know you are spending a day going over tests and X-Rays, woking on finding a treatment plan and a way to save your life. Your doctors are now your tour guides. In the coming weeks and months, these doctors will become your closest friends on your new journey. The staff and nurses put up with all my friends who come along to make sure I don't make a run for it when no one is looking.

Every three weeks I spend my day with a diverse group of people.We all come from different places, we are young and old. But we have one thing in common - sharing the same disease. We are able to open up and talk about our hopes and fears. We help each other get through that one day that we always dread, but which we also know is a day of hope - that today's treatment will cure our cancer.

We come with our scarves, ball hats, wigs and sometimes just bald. Like in everyday life, we have the cancer "fashionable," the cancer "comfy," and the cancer "can't figure out what my look is" dressers. (Lauri looked great sporting the bald head!)

Some of us are traumatized by our hair loss - mostly because it lets you know that we are fighting a disease that could take our lives. When you see us, remember that we were once just like you and our lives changed one day in an instant.

However, instead of being sad for us, think about how easy, as women, our lives have become. No more shaving - hey, big time saver in the morning, and arm pits - hello. No bikini lines to worry about. (I can still picture her saying this).

How about the money we are saving on hair cuts, color and highlights? And waxing? No more worries about eyebrows, bikini lines, and let's not forget the famous Brazilian wax. Not for me - my hair fell off effortlessly. And what about the legs? When you're 5'10" (yes, you read that right, I am the oldest but the runt of the family), my gosh, I would spend an extra 20 minutes shaving every day. Need I say more?

I think I can speak for my fellow cancer friends when I say thanks for the love, the dinners, the phone calls and the visits at just the right moment when we are feeling down. You all know you are and we couldn't go through this without you. (AMEN!).

My best friend, from down under, always reminds me of the three things we need in life: something to love, something to hope for and something to look forward to. (Ah, Nick...such a great, great friend to my sister - he traveled many times from Australia to Hilton Head to visit her and she was able to make her long awaited trip to see him there. High school buddies from when we lived in Taiwan. How much joy his friendship brought her).

Please remember, the next time you see one of "us" - that a little wink or whistle is just what we need. And don't be envious because we no longer have bad hair days.

(I MISS YOU LAURI...)

Small Victories

Hello handbag! Today was the first day that I could carry my purse on my shoulder without it hurting. This is a small victory and I am taking back everything I've ever said about men and their cargo pants. I am taking back everything I've ever said about men who leave all their change in the cup holder in the car. Life without a purse makes it hard to be organized and all those pockets and cup holders become functional if you don't carry a murse or a purse. I was happy to transfer all my drink splattered crusty coins into my actual wallet.

My handbag and I went on a field trip to see our boyfriend Dr. Grant at Baylor Dallas. I learned that I will never again need a mammogram, a sonogram or an MRI of my breasts. Oh that's right, because I don't have any. Instead, I will come in for regular quickie feel-ups from Dr. Grant. I guess he will be my boyfriend for life. There is only a small, small chance of any kind of cancer returning in the chest area - if it did, it would be in the tissue and that they can only detect by the feel up method.

Dr. Grant reports that everything is healing nicely - the radiated skin tissue from C1 is behaving very nicely. I have pretty much full range of motion with both of my shoulders. Physical Therapy has worked wonders. Today I felt really physically GREAT for the first time since my surgery. But still, not cleared to work out - no jumping, no bouncing, no messing with the still open wound. No swimming, no walking outside but I can go walk in the mall or someplace air conditioned. No to the treadmill in the gym. He was a little too Dr. No No for me today but I am complying and I am not complaining.

If you are thinking of not working out because you're not motivated, please go do a workout for me. Trust me, if you couldn't do it, you would want it.

Today's silver linings:

Carrying a purse the old fashioned way!

No more mammograms!! But this does NOT, and I repeat DOES NOT, excuse you from getting yours.

C- Rant

Six weeks post surgery now and I had expected to feel better than this. No, I'm not in pain. Yep, I am working and doing most of my usual things. But do you know how heavy doors are? Or when you are in crowds, how many people get in your personal space? Or how many people as a matter of course pat you on the back? And it's amazing the number of things that require use of your chest muscles. Opening jars. Taking off your shirts. Shaving your legs. Giving and receiving hugs.

It totally sucks not being able to work out. Or to hold my granddaughter...or carry her...or just crush her up against me and squeeze her tight. Not being able to sleep in my own bed, or sleep on my side (my preferred method of sleeping). Springing leaks where fluid build up is trying to get out...my God I feel like I am nursing again.

Hard right or left turns are tough, turning the whole way around to look at traffic is almost impossible and closing the car door is still difficult. Don't drive anywhere near me! I'm not totally safe.

I could go shopping. I have the money and the time. But not sure what this body is really going to shake out like. I have a brand spanking new pool - it is very, very, very nice, in 100 degree killer heat in Texas and I can only enjoy it waist deep. There comes a time in every C Journey where you are just so dang tired of it all. You want your regular life back, but your life is never regular again.

OK OK I know, this is the silver linings blog and mine went all rusty. I am thankful for Physical Therapists and having insurance that pays for it all. Hopefully it will get me back to the silver lining.

Thanks for letting me get this off my aching chest. I feel better already. Now who hid my chocolate?

Hey YOU, I'm talking to YOU!

Komen team kick off was this week and it was amazing. Our honorary race chair this year is Leslie Ezelle, former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, and design star contestant and passionate breast cancer survivor. Talk about energy! She's got it and she's a genuinely nice, caring, concerned person. Watch her on Design Star, HGTV (which I've been watching too much of in my recovery mode...but it's like crack for the immobile).

I heard an alarming statistic at this rally - 50% of women who have health insurance and access to health care and who are over 40 DO NOT GET THEIR ANNUAL MAMMOGRAMS. And then I got to thinking about some of you near and dear to me (you KNOW who you are) who don't get your regular mammogram and this is alarming. (Here's where I get to pour on the Catholic guilt thing I learned from my upbringing).

I was diagnosed at 41 and then again at 50. I started having mammograms at the age of 35 because of my family history and a wonderful doctor (thanks Dr. Mendez) who was vigilant about screening. Both times, the lumps were too small to be detected by feel alone. Both times caught early and treatable and here I am to tell you about it.

You may think you don't need to be screened because you don't have a family history of breast cancer. NOT TRUE! The biggest risk factors for getting breast cancer are being female and getting older. Yes, if you have family history BE MORE VIGILANT - but everyone get screened regularly! Of course, this isn't just mammograms...get your colonoscopy when you turn 50, do blood work regularly, have your stress test (watch Dr. Oz and you'll learn all the tests you should be doing). Being proactive about your health is key to surviving and thriving in this life.

A lot of my volunteer time is spent assisting women who want and need education and screening but can't get it because of resources. Their breast cancers are typically found at stages III and IV when they are harder to treat. So for those of you that have access to these, please, please, please,utilize them. THEY ARE YOUR SILVER LINING. Grab some friends and make a day out of it.

OK, off my soap box and back to C2...ME. I feel like there are a couple of people in my chest having a boxing match. It's not painful but is super uncomfortable. I'm regularly working and driving and getting around, but I still can't lift more than 4 pounds, can't work out and I'm watching a lot of HGTV. We've had the hottest July on record, no rain and August is following suit...a cool day is a 100 degree day. Whaaaaaaaaa...

My silver linings - meeting amazing new warriors and having the ability to be an advocate and mentor for the women around me.

Pictured here are two of Lauri's daughters, Shaz and Madeline with me at last year's race for the cure, a family tradition. This week Madeline and Lauri's other daughter Sara were visiting me. These three young women are amazing human beings and I know their Mom is smiling down from heaven on the extraordinary strong, independent women they are becoming.

Now get off the computer and get on the phone...schedule your mammo. It's your best ammo.

Here we go again

This is my beautiful buy-one-get-one-free daughter with her baby Lee. Her dad and I didn't stay together but she and I cannot be separated...it seems we are joined at the breast. She is 31 years old and last week she discovered a small lump. Even though she's not related to me biologically, she too has a family history of breast cancer in her family. Luckily, she was informed enough to go directly to the doctor to get it checked. He confirmed that it was a suspicious tiny lump and suggested watching it.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

NEVER! She lives in Houston and is fortunate that her mom works at MD Anderson - the famous cancer center. She has an appointment today to have it completely checked out and C ruled out. I'm proud of her for taking charge of her health - she is Major Tom and everyone else is Ground Control.

Prayers that all is clear!

Silver Lining: Talking, talking, talking about breast health and breast cancer makes a difference not only to our peers, but to the generations below. They are watching us.

Fill 'er up...

Today was my last fill at the plastic surgeon. My left shoulder isn't moving the way it should, so I have to have some Physical Therapy to get it moving properly. I'm off all of my narcotic pain medication and just feel really tight across the chest area. Still not cleared for exercise or swimming but healing right along. I don't have to see him for another six months unless something is wrong. Feeling stronger every day.

Our granddaughter Lili is visiting us for awhile, and keeping up with her is keeping me on my toes. She totally understands that Grandma has an Owee and can't carry her. I was reluctant to show her my wounds. However her curiosity combined with an unwillingness to be apart from me for very long solved that. A little scrunched face when she saw the wounds, but then she was over it. Me too.

My Komen Dallas Race for the Cure team, Support the War in My Rack, is having an art for the cure event in early October. I must admit to being an artist wannabe. So what to do with all these amazing get well cards and wishes? I got this great idea that I could develop a collage piece with bits and pieces from the cards, so I started to go through the stacks (THANK YOU EVERYONE! I'm a card junkie!!) to start formulating my idea (all ideas welcome - I usually am good on ideas but poor on execution). Anyway, I ran across this card my angel sister Lauri sent me before she passed away. It stopped me in my tracks and I'm sure was a sign she was saying hello. It made me cry as I read her words:

"Ter..I hope you know how much I appreciate all the love and support and OK...love the play money too - what would we all do w/out each other? I know I was having some rough times after "retiring" - you were always there to bitch w/me and let me cry - now with the big "C" thing you have been a rock for me - I love you and wish you were closer. I love you. Lauri

So for today, count the silver linings in your life that are the people close to you. Make their life a little easier. Let them bitch and cry, then help pull them up. Be their rock.

Pump it up!

Not a whole lot to report...and sometimes that is the silver lining of life! I went to the Plastic Surgeon yesterday for another saline injection to continue stretching the skin. I drove myself there - another milestone for me - a big driving excursion to the City. He thought this would be the last one, but NO...one more next week. I continue to feel like I have water balloons in my chest because well, I do. He states that everything is healing and behaving like it should. The "Exchange" (water balloons for gummy bear implants) will take place about 3 months after the last PUMP IT UP. So around October/November.

I'm still restricted on exercising BOO HOO...except for lifting the weights over my head. The right ones goes pretty good but this left side gets about half way and won't go any further...OUCH! I keep trying.

Our pool construction project is moving right along so maybe being able to swim will help.

I've read about 100 books; watched a bunch of movies and bad TV. I'm ready for my old active life back but all in time....So get out there and move for me!

Rock of Love...

Pictured here is my high school Journalism teacher. She is a rock star, not because she's standing beside Bret Michaels of Poison/Rock of Love, etc. etc. but because she's standing beside him as his former English teacher. Yes, we went to the same high school but he was younger. I'm sure she touched his life like she touched mine.

She and I have stayed in touch over the 30 plus years since I left high school (and she looks the same as she did 30+ years ago!). She always wanted to be an actress and eventually was one, but I think teaching was her true calling.

Mrs. Rowe, or Linda as we can now call her, caught up with my blog the other day and said "Wow, you're writing is beautiful." Well of course it is, I learned from the best! So for those of you who have enjoyed my writing, my love of writing was nurtured and encouraged by this amazing teacher. My days spent on the high school newspaper staff were some of the funnest times in my life - taking on the administration for editorial freedom; meeting friends for life; and learning the power of creative expression.

There have been many teachers who positively impacted me over the years, but none so much as her. Writing has been my life line during difficult situations in my life...it is so cathartic to get it all out there. High school wasn't always an easy time in life, but she was indeed a Silver Lining.

Tears of Joy...Sighs of Relief...NO NODES!

For all of you who stormed heaven with your prayers; who meditated and chanted with me for "No Nodes;" who held me up through all the dark uncertain days; who nourished me with food and company and yes, even my country neighbor who assured me if anything needed shot, he was my man...A GREAT BIG COSMIC THANK YOU.

Pete and I went to visit Dr. McSmarty, the Plastic Surgeon today. We arrived at his office at 11:11 am. For those of you who have been on this journey for many years with me, you know that I lost my younger sister Lauri to breast cancer at the age of 43, and my wonderful mother to Ovarian cancer when she was 62. When Mom passed away, Lauri got into numerology and would point out that whenever the numbers 1111 or 111 would show up, it meant that an angel was watching over you. She would see these numbers in weird places, like on a license plate, when she was thinking of my mom. To her it meant mom was saying "HEY. Look at me. I'm here." When we lost Lauri, we started seeing these numbers too. So of course today, when the appointment started at 11:11 - it was surely a sign my sister who had walked with me through this disease before, and my mom, were certainly with me now.

Dr. McSmarty assured us that everything was healing perfectly and was looking better than expected. He gave me a couple of more exercises to do (YAY!) and told me that next Tuesday he hopes to have all the fills done. With this appointment completed, we went over to our Happy Place for lunch, Two Sisters, and had some great nutritious salads. Then over to Dr. Grant's office to find out the pathology of this most recent cancer. Tension was high.

Boy, Dr. Grant was chit chatty today. Taking his time feeling up the new boobies, marveling at his masterwork and giving me more exercises (with weights! YAY!); talking about his vacation and what he was reading. BLAH BLAH BLAH...HEY, what about those nodes? He was getting there which I thought was a sign there was bad news coming.

Then he said - CLEAR! Nothing in the nodes. Nothing in the breast tissue from either breast. The teeny tiny cancer that could not be felt but only seen through amazing new diagnostic mammography equipment at Baylor was contained. What this means, is NO CHEMOTHERAPY. Having been down that road before, I was braced for a re-run but dreading it. People who have had chemotherapy, I know you feel me. It's not as bad as it looks on TV or the movies but trust me it's no walk in the park either. I still have long term effects from C1 Chemotherapy.

Then Dr. Grant hugged me. I know what this means - parting is such sweet sorrow. I will see him occasionally but he is moving on to a new steadier girlfriend. I wish them both luck. Pete and I were teary eyed - and we were Facebook posting and text messaging the good news simultaneously from Dr. G's office. We were keeping it together pretty good, until check out time and Pete looked over at the little label holder on the nurse's desk pictured above - 11:11. Then I lost it...and his staff was all looking at me weird until I was finally able to explain the connection. The office manager said her husband was into the 11:11 thing too.

I've never cried in Dr. Grant's office before - I've cried in the elevator and in my car. I've hugged many crying people in the hall and the elevator from Dr. Grant's office. I'm sure the waiting room people thought I had just received some horrible news with my sobbing...but how do you explain tears of joy? Tears of relief? Tears of grief - knowing a sister and a mother left you here on earth but continue to watch over you in heaven? I know for sure today that angels were walking with me.

And if you've ever had any disbelief that positive energy, prayers, good karma etc. work...I am here to tell you that this energy could move mountains and change the world. I feel lucky to have friends, family and strangers who were willing to pray with me for this great outcome. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I hope I can be there for you when you need a friend, a prayer, a chant.

So next steps...

Next week I go for my final fill in the expanders, then will talk with Dr. McSmarty about when the exchange surgery will happen and we'll swap out the expanders for the perkier implants. Size C. I'm enjoying being a smaller girl this time around.

Silver Linings:

Reaffirmed belief that people are basically pretty awesome and will come together for a common cause. We have more in common than our differences.

Early Detection has been life saving for me and I thank God I have the knowledge, the discipline and the health insurance to get my regular mammogram.

Have you gotten yours?