What we don't say

One of the silver linings of having a life threatening disease is realizing VERY QUICKLY hmmm...my days ARE limited - I will make them count. But the best silver linings is that "your people" understand this too.  And they take the time to tell you I love you. You inspire me. I admire your strength. A lot. And they lift you up with You're beautiful. You're smart. You're funny. You have made my life better.  And I am here to tell you that there is nothing better in this world to have your child tell you I'm a better person because you helped me, because you believed in me and stuck with me.  Or you are the strongest person I know. You help me remember the important things.  I don't know what I would have done without you in my life.  Staring down the C hole results in the verbalization of these things.  After all, you might not make it out alive and there is a sense of urgency to let you know these things.

But then again, you might.

All this C-ness was put very quickly in perspective for me with a series of tragic and sudden losses...and the things we say at funerals and memorials and to families...a lot of things we never said when we had the chance.

All of us struggle with insecurities.  All of us want to feel needed, loved, appreciated.  Please don't wait until someone is sick or gone to tell them just how wonderful they are.  Do it today. Do it often.

Just do it.

Three Days

The Komen 3 day (walking 60 miles over the course of 3 days) has been on my bucket list for quite a few years.  Because I was turning the ripe old age of 50 this year, I decided now was the time. I know the seasons are changing us because it didn't even require copious amounts of wine to get my partner in adventure Kathy to join me.  Dove, my awesome employee/business partner in Colorado was also in.  So we signed up with a group of my Komen buddies....an amazing group.

Yes, we signed up prior to the Big C2 diagnosis.  I was kind of on the fence about this event after I learned of my diagnosis, because I didn't know what kind of physical shape I was going to be in after ALL THAT. Through weird 6 degrees of separation, a member of our team's wife was going through C1 with the same dream team of doctors as me, and I took that as a sign to JUST DO IT!  So as soon as I could get off the recovery couch, I started training with my team.  We were blessed with a coach from my old employer, BNSF, and I felt ready.

What an experience.

The opening ceremonies were a tribute to the people we lost to breast cancer. Amidst the shivering in the cold that day, I had tears streaming down my face but also a fire and determination to finish STRONG in honor of our fallen soldiers... in particular, my sister Lauri who lost the fight to breast cancer and my mom, Jeanne, who lost the fight to Ovarian cancer.  When it got tough to push through, I was reminded that NOTHING out on that course was as bad as chemotherapy or the pain of losing someone you loved.

The three days were magical. I finished and finished strong with my team members.  Luckily we had some "new material" on our team and made some fast friends for life.  I think Kathy and I have worn out our life histories with each other so much so that every now and then we will be SHOCKED by a piece of information about the other that we didn't know about.  I wish I had a $ for every mile we've walked together!

I finished with no injuries, no blisters, no soreness.  Just a stronger resolve to fight this fight.  All along the race course people cheered us on and thanked us for walking. In fact, coming back to reality was tough. I'm embarrassed to say that I asked my training class for a few high fives the next week - I was missing the love!!  Probably one of my favorite images on the race course was this one because this is why we do these crazy things:

The event was a class act, but NO we didn't sleep in the tents. We opted for camp Crowne Plaza instead (thankfully - I needed a hot shower and soft bed to place my heavy with expander chest into).  Collectively we raised over $7.1 million with this one event - 2600 walkers, 450 crew members and thousands of supporters.  I was proud to be a part of it.

And to my team....1, 2, 3 BOOBIES!!!  I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Pictured here is Kathy, Teresa, Me, Dove, Jim, Renee and Allison. The seven of us walked into camp each day together, arm in arm, singing "we're off to see the Wizard." (Thanks Komen buddy Mark for catching this on film - he kept facebooking me - "where are you?" and we were right under his lens!)

To all my Komen supporters out there along the course - The Cheryl angels, Luke's Locker, Komen Dallas Staff and Volunteers...you make the cancer walk a whole lot easier!!  For those of us who have survived a breast cancer diagnosis, you cannot imagine the love and energy that was felt on the 3 day walk.  It will carry me for a long time to come.

Happy 11/11/11...hope you are feeling angels today.

PS...our team was interviewed by Channel 8 - you can check it out here:
 http://www.wfaa.com/news/Three-day-walk-raises-7-million-for-breast-cancer-research-133339253.html

Who says you can't go home?

It was great escaping the Texas heat to the cooler temps of my hometown, Mechanicsburg, PA last week. The little town I grew up in has an annual Jubilee Day celebration. It's basically a street fair that was a really big deal when you were a kid...especially those pre-teen days when you hoped that a special boy would ask you to go and he would buy you the leather bracelet with your name burned into it. Well, no leather bracelets anymore and I could buy many of them now if I wanted! How times change...and yet, how they stay the same.

Catching up with old friends is grounding. They know where you've been, what you struggled with and were responsible for helping to create "you." It also reminds you how we are all connected. While there, we participated in the Relay for Life. I was honored and touched to have my very own Luminaria on the track that we spotted about 5 laps in (pictured). My Class of 79 buddies you are the greatest. Thanks for the past memories and for the recent ones.

In my life, I've loved you all....

POOF: Now back to reality. I returned to sweltering 110 degree heat and winds that were causing a wildfire hazard. Kind of feels like my life right about now....tossing and turning in the dryer. I have my pre-admission appointment next week and then July 6 is Surgery Date. I won't lie, I am not looking forward to it and yes, I am scared, worried, etc. Waiting is typically worse than the actual event but I am so thankful to have had this time to process, hang out with Liliana and my family and my friends. Getting my game face on!

Silver linings:

Thankful that my mom and dad picked a great place to raise me...then were adventurous enough to go out in the world and give me my traveling sense of adventure.

Old friends - thanks for joining me and our group date to Jubilee Day/ETC. Half a century. WOO HOO We made it!!!