Small Victories

Hello handbag! Today was the first day that I could carry my purse on my shoulder without it hurting. This is a small victory and I am taking back everything I've ever said about men and their cargo pants. I am taking back everything I've ever said about men who leave all their change in the cup holder in the car. Life without a purse makes it hard to be organized and all those pockets and cup holders become functional if you don't carry a murse or a purse. I was happy to transfer all my drink splattered crusty coins into my actual wallet.

My handbag and I went on a field trip to see our boyfriend Dr. Grant at Baylor Dallas. I learned that I will never again need a mammogram, a sonogram or an MRI of my breasts. Oh that's right, because I don't have any. Instead, I will come in for regular quickie feel-ups from Dr. Grant. I guess he will be my boyfriend for life. There is only a small, small chance of any kind of cancer returning in the chest area - if it did, it would be in the tissue and that they can only detect by the feel up method.

Dr. Grant reports that everything is healing nicely - the radiated skin tissue from C1 is behaving very nicely. I have pretty much full range of motion with both of my shoulders. Physical Therapy has worked wonders. Today I felt really physically GREAT for the first time since my surgery. But still, not cleared to work out - no jumping, no bouncing, no messing with the still open wound. No swimming, no walking outside but I can go walk in the mall or someplace air conditioned. No to the treadmill in the gym. He was a little too Dr. No No for me today but I am complying and I am not complaining.

If you are thinking of not working out because you're not motivated, please go do a workout for me. Trust me, if you couldn't do it, you would want it.

Today's silver linings:

Carrying a purse the old fashioned way!

No more mammograms!! But this does NOT, and I repeat DOES NOT, excuse you from getting yours.

Hey YOU, I'm talking to YOU!

Komen team kick off was this week and it was amazing. Our honorary race chair this year is Leslie Ezelle, former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, and design star contestant and passionate breast cancer survivor. Talk about energy! She's got it and she's a genuinely nice, caring, concerned person. Watch her on Design Star, HGTV (which I've been watching too much of in my recovery mode...but it's like crack for the immobile).

I heard an alarming statistic at this rally - 50% of women who have health insurance and access to health care and who are over 40 DO NOT GET THEIR ANNUAL MAMMOGRAMS. And then I got to thinking about some of you near and dear to me (you KNOW who you are) who don't get your regular mammogram and this is alarming. (Here's where I get to pour on the Catholic guilt thing I learned from my upbringing).

I was diagnosed at 41 and then again at 50. I started having mammograms at the age of 35 because of my family history and a wonderful doctor (thanks Dr. Mendez) who was vigilant about screening. Both times, the lumps were too small to be detected by feel alone. Both times caught early and treatable and here I am to tell you about it.

You may think you don't need to be screened because you don't have a family history of breast cancer. NOT TRUE! The biggest risk factors for getting breast cancer are being female and getting older. Yes, if you have family history BE MORE VIGILANT - but everyone get screened regularly! Of course, this isn't just mammograms...get your colonoscopy when you turn 50, do blood work regularly, have your stress test (watch Dr. Oz and you'll learn all the tests you should be doing). Being proactive about your health is key to surviving and thriving in this life.

A lot of my volunteer time is spent assisting women who want and need education and screening but can't get it because of resources. Their breast cancers are typically found at stages III and IV when they are harder to treat. So for those of you that have access to these, please, please, please,utilize them. THEY ARE YOUR SILVER LINING. Grab some friends and make a day out of it.

OK, off my soap box and back to C2...ME. I feel like there are a couple of people in my chest having a boxing match. It's not painful but is super uncomfortable. I'm regularly working and driving and getting around, but I still can't lift more than 4 pounds, can't work out and I'm watching a lot of HGTV. We've had the hottest July on record, no rain and August is following suit...a cool day is a 100 degree day. Whaaaaaaaaa...

My silver linings - meeting amazing new warriors and having the ability to be an advocate and mentor for the women around me.

Pictured here are two of Lauri's daughters, Shaz and Madeline with me at last year's race for the cure, a family tradition. This week Madeline and Lauri's other daughter Sara were visiting me. These three young women are amazing human beings and I know their Mom is smiling down from heaven on the extraordinary strong, independent women they are becoming.

Now get off the computer and get on the phone...schedule your mammo. It's your best ammo.

Fill 'er up...

Today was my last fill at the plastic surgeon. My left shoulder isn't moving the way it should, so I have to have some Physical Therapy to get it moving properly. I'm off all of my narcotic pain medication and just feel really tight across the chest area. Still not cleared for exercise or swimming but healing right along. I don't have to see him for another six months unless something is wrong. Feeling stronger every day.

Our granddaughter Lili is visiting us for awhile, and keeping up with her is keeping me on my toes. She totally understands that Grandma has an Owee and can't carry her. I was reluctant to show her my wounds. However her curiosity combined with an unwillingness to be apart from me for very long solved that. A little scrunched face when she saw the wounds, but then she was over it. Me too.

My Komen Dallas Race for the Cure team, Support the War in My Rack, is having an art for the cure event in early October. I must admit to being an artist wannabe. So what to do with all these amazing get well cards and wishes? I got this great idea that I could develop a collage piece with bits and pieces from the cards, so I started to go through the stacks (THANK YOU EVERYONE! I'm a card junkie!!) to start formulating my idea (all ideas welcome - I usually am good on ideas but poor on execution). Anyway, I ran across this card my angel sister Lauri sent me before she passed away. It stopped me in my tracks and I'm sure was a sign she was saying hello. It made me cry as I read her words:

"Ter..I hope you know how much I appreciate all the love and support and OK...love the play money too - what would we all do w/out each other? I know I was having some rough times after "retiring" - you were always there to bitch w/me and let me cry - now with the big "C" thing you have been a rock for me - I love you and wish you were closer. I love you. Lauri

So for today, count the silver linings in your life that are the people close to you. Make their life a little easier. Let them bitch and cry, then help pull them up. Be their rock.

Pump it up!

Not a whole lot to report...and sometimes that is the silver lining of life! I went to the Plastic Surgeon yesterday for another saline injection to continue stretching the skin. I drove myself there - another milestone for me - a big driving excursion to the City. He thought this would be the last one, but NO...one more next week. I continue to feel like I have water balloons in my chest because well, I do. He states that everything is healing and behaving like it should. The "Exchange" (water balloons for gummy bear implants) will take place about 3 months after the last PUMP IT UP. So around October/November.

I'm still restricted on exercising BOO HOO...except for lifting the weights over my head. The right ones goes pretty good but this left side gets about half way and won't go any further...OUCH! I keep trying.

Our pool construction project is moving right along so maybe being able to swim will help.

I've read about 100 books; watched a bunch of movies and bad TV. I'm ready for my old active life back but all in time....So get out there and move for me!

Tears of Joy...Sighs of Relief...NO NODES!

For all of you who stormed heaven with your prayers; who meditated and chanted with me for "No Nodes;" who held me up through all the dark uncertain days; who nourished me with food and company and yes, even my country neighbor who assured me if anything needed shot, he was my man...A GREAT BIG COSMIC THANK YOU.

Pete and I went to visit Dr. McSmarty, the Plastic Surgeon today. We arrived at his office at 11:11 am. For those of you who have been on this journey for many years with me, you know that I lost my younger sister Lauri to breast cancer at the age of 43, and my wonderful mother to Ovarian cancer when she was 62. When Mom passed away, Lauri got into numerology and would point out that whenever the numbers 1111 or 111 would show up, it meant that an angel was watching over you. She would see these numbers in weird places, like on a license plate, when she was thinking of my mom. To her it meant mom was saying "HEY. Look at me. I'm here." When we lost Lauri, we started seeing these numbers too. So of course today, when the appointment started at 11:11 - it was surely a sign my sister who had walked with me through this disease before, and my mom, were certainly with me now.

Dr. McSmarty assured us that everything was healing perfectly and was looking better than expected. He gave me a couple of more exercises to do (YAY!) and told me that next Tuesday he hopes to have all the fills done. With this appointment completed, we went over to our Happy Place for lunch, Two Sisters, and had some great nutritious salads. Then over to Dr. Grant's office to find out the pathology of this most recent cancer. Tension was high.

Boy, Dr. Grant was chit chatty today. Taking his time feeling up the new boobies, marveling at his masterwork and giving me more exercises (with weights! YAY!); talking about his vacation and what he was reading. BLAH BLAH BLAH...HEY, what about those nodes? He was getting there which I thought was a sign there was bad news coming.

Then he said - CLEAR! Nothing in the nodes. Nothing in the breast tissue from either breast. The teeny tiny cancer that could not be felt but only seen through amazing new diagnostic mammography equipment at Baylor was contained. What this means, is NO CHEMOTHERAPY. Having been down that road before, I was braced for a re-run but dreading it. People who have had chemotherapy, I know you feel me. It's not as bad as it looks on TV or the movies but trust me it's no walk in the park either. I still have long term effects from C1 Chemotherapy.

Then Dr. Grant hugged me. I know what this means - parting is such sweet sorrow. I will see him occasionally but he is moving on to a new steadier girlfriend. I wish them both luck. Pete and I were teary eyed - and we were Facebook posting and text messaging the good news simultaneously from Dr. G's office. We were keeping it together pretty good, until check out time and Pete looked over at the little label holder on the nurse's desk pictured above - 11:11. Then I lost it...and his staff was all looking at me weird until I was finally able to explain the connection. The office manager said her husband was into the 11:11 thing too.

I've never cried in Dr. Grant's office before - I've cried in the elevator and in my car. I've hugged many crying people in the hall and the elevator from Dr. Grant's office. I'm sure the waiting room people thought I had just received some horrible news with my sobbing...but how do you explain tears of joy? Tears of relief? Tears of grief - knowing a sister and a mother left you here on earth but continue to watch over you in heaven? I know for sure today that angels were walking with me.

And if you've ever had any disbelief that positive energy, prayers, good karma etc. work...I am here to tell you that this energy could move mountains and change the world. I feel lucky to have friends, family and strangers who were willing to pray with me for this great outcome. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I hope I can be there for you when you need a friend, a prayer, a chant.

So next steps...

Next week I go for my final fill in the expanders, then will talk with Dr. McSmarty about when the exchange surgery will happen and we'll swap out the expanders for the perkier implants. Size C. I'm enjoying being a smaller girl this time around.

Silver Linings:

Reaffirmed belief that people are basically pretty awesome and will come together for a common cause. We have more in common than our differences.

Early Detection has been life saving for me and I thank God I have the knowledge, the discipline and the health insurance to get my regular mammogram.

Have you gotten yours?

Anticipation....

A big shout out to Komen Greater Fort Worth...this was their snow-girl prior to an April race. When I tell you that the weather in Texas is crazy...it is. We can have an 80 degree spring day followed by an ice or snow storm, followed by an 80 degree day. Right now we are at something like 26 days over 100 degrees so far this summer... 20 of them consecutive days. This picture makes me feel a little cold but with a big warm smile because my Komen family is cool like that.

I am not doing well just hanging out at home. I mean there's only so much work I can do; bad TV to watch and books to read. I'd really like to be out walking, doing Pilates and enjoying my gym workouts. I MISS THEM. Those of you who have the option to exercise or not, don't take it for granted. Limited mobility is not fun. OK pity party over.

Everything appears to be healing nicely and I am getting around somewhat. I can drive but if I push it too much, I feel exhausted the next day, so I'm begrudgingly slowing down. Dr. Grant explained that I would start feeling really good, then start feeling like I was being compressed from the inside, and then feel better again. I'm in the compressed mode. So much pulling, tugging, soreness. OUCH. I wasn't going to refill on the good drugs but I think I need to. Yesterday was a two pain pill day.

Tomorrow is our appointments with the plastic surgeon for more saline fill in the expanders. Then we'll see Dr. Grant and get the dreaded or anticipated pathology report. Pete has the day off so lucky him, he will get to hang out at Baylor spa too! Based on the attributes of the cancer cells and breast tissue they removed, we will know if further treatment is necessary. If it is, I get handed off to oncologist. You've got one day to help me with no node chanting and praying and then we'll know. NO NODES NO NODES NO NODES.

Pool construction starts Monday.

Silver Linings:

Pain medicine that works. I'm not a drug person but it's nice to know it's there.

Good health insurance, I've maxed out deductible...on auto cruise right now.

The Big C on Showtime...please check out this show Monday nights. I think it's the best thing on TV right now and believe me, I'm watching A LOT OF BAD TV and too much HGTV.

Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road

Clicking the heels and one step closer to home this week. Yesterday we had the first follow up appointment with Dr. McSmarty (girls, let's face it - it's better to have a smart one than a pretty one), the Plastic Surgeon. He looked at how I was healing and said AWESOME...the radiated breast is acting like a radiated breast - those 40 treatments of heavy dose radiation 9.5 years ago in C1, has made that skin difficult to work with - but not impossible!

The two drains I had on either side of me were removed and it didn't hurt a bit, although it was weird because they were snaked around the entire breast area and the tube was much larger than I expected it to be. FREEDOM! Having those pesky things removed is a huge step in recovery and mobility.

He added 100 ccs of saline into each breast. We'll do this one or two more times, and then there is an exchange surgery to put the implant in. There's a new Gummy Bear implant that they are using - thanks John and Clare on the heads up about that. Yes, it feels like a gummybear. Sure, you can touch them when they're in - I won't feel a thing!!

I am feeling some tightness across the breast area from the new saline expanding my skin. However, I'm off painkillers completely and moving to Advil. You know what that means? YES. I enjoyed my first glass of post surgery wine. Ahhhh

No news on the nodes - so keep up the prayers and chanting. The breast surgeon has not called me about the results. The plastic surgeon didn't have them and I am seeing them both next Thursday. If they don't call me, I'm not calling them. I'll just find out next week and enjoy my drain-free life right now. If I have to do additional chemotherapy, they will not put in the gummy bears until I'm finished with that.

So my fellow Texans, is it HOT OR WHAT? I can't wait until I'm able to get out and about exercising but in the mean time, we decided we needed a pool so that project starts NOW. Swimming will be great therapy and a great way to beat the heat. And maybe we can more easily lure you out to see us.

Silver Linings:

Driving!

Wine!

Return to normalcy, if only for awhile. Pete heads back to work on Monday.

Drain(ed)

Necessity is the mother of invention and thank God for this invention from healincomfort.com the same place that invented the mastectomy shirt with the hidden pockets and velcro closures I blogged about earlier. This is sort of a Terri the Tool Man kind of look, but your pesky drains fit in here and then you can hide your shirt over the construction belt. I have a drain from both of my incision sites under my arm...this is really the only thing hurting and it's not like #10 pain or anything...it's like a tugging kind of occasional pain. I just have to say ouch and readjust my body recalling pilates stances - then it's all good.

Day 2 at home. I have been able to be up and about most of today; eating regularly and had a great night's sleep after I discovered that I cannot, I repeat cannot take two pain pills. Although the doctor said I could take two, I definitely SHOULDN'T...really weird dreams, narcotic hangover...maybe this is what tripping is like. I don't know - I missed that part of the 70s but I definitely didn't like it. For those of you who tried to peer pressure me 30 years ago, glad I passed. Missed nothing.

Listening to new Foo Fighters - thanks my music friend BB - awesome recovery music!

Had visits yesterday and today - nice to see you!

On the news front - I GOT NOTHIN'. I go back to see the plastic surgeon next week to see if one or both drains can be removed. Once they are producing 30 ml or less per day, they are goners. This takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks - depending on what your body is doing. The drains are using gravity to pull bodily fluids away from your incision, avoiding hematomas, lessening infection and other nasty things - a great invention for surgery recovery.

No pathology for about another week too...

Silver linings:

Sometimes a no news day is the best kind. Who else is tired of Casey Anthony?

The Price of Pre-Admission

Yesterday was my pre-admission to Baylor Spa (as my friend Dave so named it). This is reviewing all paperwork, insurance information and making sure you are medically able to withstand surgery. I had to give a little blood and have an EKG. All systems are go! I also had to fill out MORE PAPERWORK. NO. I AM NOT PREGNANT for the 15th time. And the funny question: Are you going through any major life issues right now? HELL-O. I'm pre-admitting for surgery to remove my breasts. I'd say that is pretty major life!!

I felt really good after this appointment. The nurse who checked me in is an 18 year breast cancer survivor. She sees my plastic surgeon (on the side, of course, right now he's mine!). Apparently, he is the greatest and I always put a lot of credence with the nurses because, well...'nuf said. She was also reassuring that I would be fine since I'm young (!) and healthy. I love Baylor Dallas, not because of the forms, but because they really have caring people working there who will tell you you are young. Oh, and they're smart too!!

OK - here's the surgery details (drum roll please):

My surgery takes place July 6 at Baylor Dallas at 9 am (or as we affectionately call it in Dallas - BIG BAYLOR. They have many satellite facilities). I will be in the Roberts Building. Pete and I have to be there at 7:30 am. I will be in surgery for 6-7 hours depending upon how much fun they are having. I will stay in the hospital 1-2 days and will not know about additional treatment needed until after they review my tissue and sentinel node biopsy (to know if the cancer has spread through the nodes). KEEP CHANTING: NO NODES NO NODES NO NODES.

Pete is taking a couple of weeks of Family and Medical Leave (thank you Apple) to take care of me (thank you Pete!).

So many of you have asked, what do we need? Should you come to the hospital? Cook for us? Send flowers?

The short answer is we're blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives - the outpouring of support has been amazing. But I still bring it back to those who don't have this kind of support. So I'll tell you where my head is and then if I change my mind (because we women are awesome like that) I will let you know.

Visits: I'd probably prefer you didn't visit me in the hospital. I will be at my worst during the first two days. Pete said he is perfectly fine sitting in the waiting room catching up on Words with Friends, Angry Birds and the stack of books he has neglected as a result of aforementioned habits. If you want to check in with Pete for any updates - his email is hangdog@earthlink.net; you can text or call him at 9723457229. I'm not sure he can answer phone calls. He reports that he doesn't need company while waiting.

Once, I'm recovered enough to feel human, I believe that I will want some company to go take a walk with me or talk to me. Stand by. I will continue to blog even if it's a fuzzy call for "COME SEE ME." Pete may make a guest blog appearance.

Flowers: I won't be at the hospital long, so sending flowers there will only mean Pete has to transport grouchy old me home and the flowers. Once we get home, not being able to take care of them and getting aggravated at Pete for not taking care of them and him getting aggravated at me because honestly taking care of me is enough = save your money!

Food: Honestly, it's just Pete and I. One of Pete's best qualities is that he is an amazing cook. He knows my eating habits. So I'm saying - please don't but if you feel compelled to make something, coordinate with Pete. I don't want you to make anything we wouldn't eat or use. I know cooking is an act of love.

So what can you do for me right now?

Most of you know that my passion lies with Komen Dallas because of all the help we give women and families in our community affected by breast cancer. Women who don't have a choice about procedures or doctors or have to take the bus to get to their mastectomy appointment.

SUPPORT THE WAR IN MY RACK! Join my team and walk, run, crawl, sleep in for the cure - October 15, 2011...I will be there regardless of what I'm going through. These are my people!

Sign up: http://dallas.info-komen.org/goto/MyRack

Donate: http://dallas.info-komen.org/goto/TSwain

Silver linings and the Price of Pre-Admission:

BLING!!! During C1 and the bald headed chemo look, a friend suggested that I get diamond earrings to shine brightly around my bald head. I did and to this day I love them and what they stood for.

In remembrance of C2 and turning 50 and not buying the BMW, I did a little swing over to North Park Center (home of the Komen Dallas Race for the Cure) and got a little blue box from Tiffany's... a beautiful yellow diamond from Australia. It will arrive when I arrive home from the hospital. Ok, so that's a yellow lining.