Hello darkness my old friend...

2011 was off to a really great start and the days leading up to my 50th birthday were full of joy and expectation for a year full of wonderful new experiences. I would go so far to say I was obnoxious in my countdown to celebrate 50 wonderful years of life on this earth. Alas, the Universe had other ideas...it's like they say, life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

3 days before my 50th birthday, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time in my life. Happy F*ing birthday - right? I had a tearful F* it day; followed by a fantastic and wild birthday celebration. Thank you all. I felt the love. Especially from my amazing children who had no clue what to do with cancer at age 15, but on the verge of 25 (hey, that's when I had them!), figured it out. Love. I felt it.

Today, it was back to the reality that I.Have.Cancer. Again. If you'd like to keep up with me and my progress, please subscribe to my blog. It is here that I will keep you updated. When I know, I will tell you. If I need something, I will put it out there. I must confess, the telephone calls can get overwhelming - repeating the same story over and over. It's not that I don't love you and want to talk to you, I do. I just feel like a broken record.

Here's what I know. I had my annual mammogram (have you had yours?). I went in and out of the mammo room like three times. Nine different views - don't move, don't breathe on my left breast in a vice. Not fun. Ultimately, there was something "suspicious" which is cancer speak for UH OH. The area that they saw on the mammo was extremely small and was labeled "microcalcifications." In 98% of women these are benign calcium deposits. In someone with a previous cancer diagnosis, there is no commitment to this.

Four days later, suspicious was biopsied. This is a very interesting procedure where a needle was stuck in the already bruised and battered area so that cell samples could be removed and viewed under the microscope. Despite chants and prayers for calcium, calcium, calcium...I received the news that these teeny tiny spots which couldn't be felt but could be seen by the digital mammo, were indeed cancer.cancer. cancer. Small and caught early but cancerous indeed. Because I have received my lifetime supply of radiation from Cancer I, lumpectomy is not an option for me. I visited with a plastic surgeon this week about the MAJOR surgery of mastectomy and reconstruction. He was quite the smart ass, just like me.

Today, I had sonograms of all my organs; skeletal scans and full body X-rays. See the above picture. Because this is done in nuclear medicine...I am now a card carrying nuclear person. This card is to show to TSA in case I go through their scanner and emit any radioactive material. Take that Osama.

These tests are to determine if the cancer started somewhere else and moved to my breast; or moved from my breast to somewhere else. If it did, this is what is considered metastasis. Not a good word in cancer lingo. I will not have my test results back for a couple of days. The tech will not tell you the results. The radiologist and breast surgeon must review them and give you the news. I will update you when I hear - good, bad or ugly. After these tests are done, we will chart a course of action. I've been reading up on mastectomy/reconstruction and gathering information so I can make an informed decision about the surgeon I pick and the procedure I want to use. Any information on this topic appreciated and will be considered. All decisions of the judges are final however.

I've decided to call my blog Silver Linings because in every bad situation, there are silver linings. Here are mine:

• This is not my first cancer rodeo. I know the lingo and mostly what to expect. I love my breast surgeon, Dr. Grant and my oncologist Dr. Blum. They know me. I know them. We've been keeping company for nine years. I love Baylor Dallas - the new Sammons Cancer center rocks, even though I'd rather not be there.
• I have health insurance.
• I have information.
• I have an amazing support system - Pete, my kids, my family, my friends - my pink warrior sisters.
• Hmmmm...perky new breasts

What do I need? At this point, nothing!!! I don't have all the information to know where I am going. I'm the type of person who has to process, formulate my game plan and then execute!!!

I have formed my Komen race for the cure team (Support the War in My Rack) and you can join us or donate to us if you really feel the need to do something. More details to follow. As time goes on, I will let you know. I always welcome prayers.

Feel free to pass my blog post on. If my experience can help anyone, I'm all about that!! I'll apologize in advance if it's TMI...but that's me. I can't thank each of you enough - your love, concern and support got me through Cancer I. Cancer II - consider your ass kicked in advance. Peace out!!